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Scottish Adventure: First Class

Our last day in Scotland always get me down. Add that to the fact that I am not the most comfortable flier and I get a wee bit grumpy on travel days. George might say “grumpier” as he thinks I’m a Edinburgh-airport-grump most days.

Edinburgh was only a short drive from our rental but I get a little anxious about getting to the airport early, way too early for George but over the years he has graciously acquiesced to my anxiety and we always head out early enough to keep me from becoming a basket case.

But of course he has to drive. We know this airport pretty well by now, so the rental drop off was smooth, (no damage to report this year, Yeah!) and we immediately head for a coffee, of course. George needs his cup a Joe.

I waited while he navigated the crowd and I spotted trouble straightaway. This was not good.Starbucks-2

As George stood online a huge digital advertising display overhead was flashing a bunch of ads. One got my attention. There it was again, the picture: George held aloft at the games, ‘F**K Trump’ shirt in all its glory and maybe 30 feet wide on that huge display. It was an ad for a strip club, oh brother.

I hoped we could get through the airport without George seeing this as I knew he would flip out. Or “flip balls” as my son says.

And at that point I formulated a plan. I would spend the next hour and a half keeping him away from any ad displays and try and keep him distracted. I certainly didn’t want him to see that ad and I definitely didn’t want to tell him that I told that crazy, hooligan, Mad Dog Mike to go ahead and use the image just not his name and all would be good. George would never find out as we would be stateside before Mad Dog could get anything out in public.  Dog said he’d take care of me, right, like that is going to happen.

Well, Dog is an enterprising Scot and he had the ads up sooner than I expected.

The massive display over George’s head had the picture with this text:

Our Lassies Hate Him Too

Mad Dog’s Gentlemens Club

Edinburgh & Glasgow

As we stood on line for security I spied a kiosk bearing another of Dog’s ads and there George was again:

We won’t take his garbage…

But we’ll take yours

Garbage Dog Refuse & Recycling

Oh brother. I was almost doing the Highland Fling as I moved around my unsuspecting brother trying to block any view in the direction of the ad.

Through security and now settling in to wait and we see our plane was delayed. This isn’t going to be easy. We find out that our plane had mechanical issues and they are trying to work in another for our flight. Is it too early for whisky?

So I find a remote spot and get George to sit facing away from all those “distractions” and hoped my luck would hold out.

I actually had him doing the Times Crossword with me and made him watch dozens of videos of my granddaughter. He was a good sport and probably thought I was bugging out.

About an hour later we see our flight now has a noon time departure time. Great, only one hour to kill and as I was trying to get him to recite all the verses of The Battle Hymn of the Republic we heard his name on the public address system asking him to report to gate 14.

We hustle on over and on the way I catch another ad, George is focused on the gate, thank god:

F**K Trump & His Bad Tan

Sunny Dog’s Tanning Salon

We Tan You Right

Now we are standing at the gate and the gate agent calls George over. She opens up by apologizing for the delay and tells us they have a new aircraft and will begin boarding shortly. “And you and your brother have different seats. You’ve been upgraded to first class.” We’re shocked, lucky and shocked and George says, “but that plane has no first class.”

You’re right sir, but the new aircraft is an AirBus 380 and you have two seats in the first class cabin.” Hmm, a wee bit of luck for the Skinners.

In fact Mr. Skinner you and your brother can board right now” and she scanned our boarding pass and on we went, smiling at our good fortune and me relieved that George caught no sight of Mad Dog’s ad campaigns.

Yo George,” I asked, “how did she know I was your brother?”  “Don’t care brother… first class baby,” he exclaimed.

So this is how the other half lives,” I said. “Damn right” George responded, “bout time we got a break on these damn planes.”

We sat on the widest, softest seats a plane could ever hold. And for once we sat next to each other. With that huge, wide expanse of first class real estate we didn’t need our usual aisle seats. I opted for the window and got comfy.

George and I chatted about our good fortune and thought if there wasn’t that mechanical problem we’d be back with the cattle, knees knocking on the seat backs. But here we were, such a fortuitous finish to our Scottish Adventure.

With that the attendant came over and without a hint of accent said “You gents here for the golf?” Affirmative George nodded. We chatted a bit and told her a little about our trip.

Well, you boys seem like you know what you like over here…. how about a little whisky?”

Hmm, “Sure, why not!”

She headed to the galley and again we were just dumbfounded at our good luck. She returned with the whisky, not just any whisky…our beloved Macallan 25.mac 25

We looked at each other, confused as this is no normal airline dram. Again our good fortune shines on us.

The attendant bends down and speaks in a hushed voice, “Compliments of Mad Dog, I’m supposed to say ‘Thanks and have a good flight.’”

George couldn’t believe what he heard. “What the hell? Mad Dog… what the hell is he thanking me for? How did he know this was our flight? Did he upgrade us? Could he have had something to do with the mechanical problem? How could he know where we are?” he rambled on.

I said, “Don’t care brother, first class baby!” I played dumb and sipped my Macallan.

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2 Comments

  1. You get the last laugh,Jeff! First class, that’s the way to fly! F**k Trump and Mad Dog,too.

  2. What a fun trip! Can’t wait to do it for real next year!

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